The only thing surfers have in common with the rest of America is they're unemployed and they love crystal meth.
Daniel ToshGod does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
Daniel ToshI'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.
Daniel ToshWe owe it to our troops to let them sleep in their own beds, wake up in the morning, have a delicious breakfast, and drive to war.
Daniel ToshI think pro-athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we as fans deserve the greatest athletes science can create! Lets go! Anything that will make you run faster, jump higher! I have High-Definition TV! I want my athletes like my video games! Lets go! I could care less if you die at 40. You hate life after sports anyways. I'm doing you a favor.
Daniel Tosh