Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
Every video from Russia is depressing, it's like they have their cameras set to sad.
If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.
I was drinking tea the other day, and I thought: they used to fight wars over this.