Making a good music video isn't easy. If it were, MTV would still be showing them instead of '16 and Pregnant,' which I assume is shot exclusively in Utah.

If security guards aren't allowed to carry guns, I don't have to obey their made up rules.

Don't you love it when people in school are like, “I'm a bad test taker”? You mean, you're stupid. Oh, you struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh. No, no, I can totally relate. See, because I'm a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. Oh, how the masterpiece is crystal up here, but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson's.

I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.

I was drinking tea the other day, and I thought: they used to fight wars over this.

Scattergories is second base for Christians.

You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!