That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.

Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think "how can you make a joke about this?"

Germany's like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past.

I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.

It's all fun and games until someone gets a boner.

I think pro-athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we as fans deserve the greatest athletes science can create! Lets go! Anything that will make you run faster, jump higher! I have High-Definition TV! I want my athletes like my video games! Lets go! I could care less if you die at 40. You hate life after sports anyways. I'm doing you a favor.

Big, skinny, regular size it doesn't matter as long as your young.