I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.

Yes, I am aware that I am the gayer version of Jeff Lewis.

The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. You can get a lot of television deals that don't go anywhere, but you still get paid.

I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.

We owe it to our troops to let them sleep in their own beds, wake up in the morning, have a delicious breakfast, and drive to war.

I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school.