I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!

The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?

It's not a stereotype if it's always true.

Does everybody have their WWJD bracelets on? 'Cause I was wearing my bracelet recently, and I was in the movie theater, and this guy's cell phone went off - don't you just hate that? Then he picked it up, 'Hey, how's it going? I'm in a movie.' And I'm like, 'Hey! Get off the phone!' And he's like, 'Mind your own business.' And I almost went crazy, but then I looked at my bracelet: what would Jesus do? So I lit him on fire and sent him to Hell.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty; you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.

Kangoroos can't hop backwards.