You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
Every video from Russia is depressing, it's like they have their cameras set to sad.
Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. You can get a lot of television deals that don't go anywhere, but you still get paid.
The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?