Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
Girls can fake orgasms, but boys can fake love.
I have high-definition television, because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on C.S.I.
Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.