I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

I wasn't a pain in the ass when I was a kid. So I think being a screw-up as an adult is way more acceptable.

I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?

Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.

I apologize if there's a Parkinson's painter in the audience. I assume you do your best work in the morning. Probably gets abstract by noon.

If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.