I have high-definition television, because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on C.S.I.

Technically it's not premarital sex if you don't plan on marrying them.

I feel bad sometimes because I secretly hope New Orleans gets nailed again.

Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.

Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.

God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.

Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I; that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.