Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school.

It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.

I'm going to be cremated from the neck down. And at my funeral, when people are talking about me, they have to hold my head. And then at the end, they have to kick me into the audience and the audience has to keep me up for at least three hits or you have to start the whole service over. No cradling it - I want legit sets.

No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.

You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.