You never see anyone wearing a black turtleneck and leather jacket doing something nice.

Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.

We'll put an asterisk next to Barry Bonds' name, sure, as soon as we put one next to Babe Ruth's name. Getting to break records before black people were allowed to play? Excuse me, where is that asterisk?

I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.

I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school.

I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.