You never see anyone wearing a black turtleneck and leather jacket doing something nice.

Until I see proof of this reincarnation or cloning, I'm gonna live up this life. That was kinda the path I took. But I fulfilled my obligations.

Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?

The only thing surfers have in common with the rest of America is they're unemployed and they love crystal meth.

Somebody bought me a Snuggie as a joke gift. Haha, the joke's on you, I enjoy it. I toss and turn at night, finally a blanket that's like, 'I'm going to keep you warm.' It's like having a small child with polio keep you in a full nelson - the perfect pressure.

It's all fun and games until someone gets a boner.

I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.