You never see anyone wearing a black turtleneck and leather jacket doing something nice.

I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.

Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is; if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.

Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.

I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.

I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a child worked. Not getting any cavities.

If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane.