I fell asleep watching the country music channel and woke up racist.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I was drinking tea the other day, and I thought: they used to fight wars over this.

We owe it to our troops to let them sleep in their own beds, wake up in the morning, have a delicious breakfast, and drive to war.

I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.

It's all fun and games until someone gets a boner.

I guess it could be seen as a form of rebellion, but (my dad) is pretty supportive. He's knows I'm just an idiot, so I think that softens it a little bit.