You are a sick freak who should be beaten.

Describe your perfect man who looks like me.

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.

Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.

I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.

If I offend anybody tonight, I apologize. That's not my intention. I'm not going to guess what your personal line of decency is; I cross my own from time to time - it's how I know I still have one.

Don't you love it when people in school are like, “I'm a bad test taker”? You mean, you're stupid. Oh, you struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh. No, no, I can totally relate. See, because I'm a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. Oh, how the masterpiece is crystal up here, but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson's.