You are a sick freak who should be beaten.

Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.

You never see anyone wearing a black turtleneck and leather jacket doing something nice.

I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.

Here’s what I tell people now when they come to my shows: “First of all, thank you for stimulating the economy, or at least my economic package.”

I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.

Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.