Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.

Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely.

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag.

You are a sick freak who should be beaten.

I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.

Even people who don't believe in science still have to believe in gravity.