Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.

Kangoroos can't hop backwards.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

I think if you're gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, 'I'm dumb.' That's it. That way in 10 years, when you go, 'Why did I get this?,' you can be like, 'Oh, I'm dumb!'

The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. You can get a lot of television deals that don't go anywhere, but you still get paid.

I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.

I'm not honest, but you're interesting!