I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.

Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.

Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.

Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.

The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.

Describe your perfect man who looks like me.