I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.

Scattergories is second base for Christians.

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.

I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.

People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.

I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, 'Hey, at least I'm not pregnant.'