When you're in young love your pulse pounds, your palms sweat, and there are butterflies in your stomach. It's like diarrhea for your heart.

I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.

My favorite thing to steal is a kiss. You can get arrested for it but they can't force you to give it back.

That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.

e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.

Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?

Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.