The only thing surfers have in common with the rest of America is they're unemployed and they love crystal meth.

No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.

I can say that. I have a television show.

It's funny... you can make fun of AIDS or Haiti, but if you make fun of some starlet in Hollywood's looks? That's like the one thing... the line you are not to cross.

I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.

Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.

Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I; that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.