What did one say to a stalker? Um, pardon me, Mr.Stalker, but could you, like, not?

Ambulances were cool. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn’t leave someone’s life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn’t alien-probe his orifices.

If you must eat a banana in public, never make eye contact.

I was just passing by. Saw the commotion. Figured you were involved.

There was nothing like a trip to the gynecologist to make one feel just a little violated. Charley

Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.

I may as well cut my losses and make a hasty exit while I still had enough self-esteem to walk upright. Crawling was so demoralizing