I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.

So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.

You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.

I'm not like a performer type.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche.

Why do they collect garbarge at 5am? Why? It's garbage. It's not going to go bad again.