If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche.

I never wanted to be famous.

Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.

Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?

I used to do drugs, but that was way back there.

Never drink alone, that's what they say. But you know what? If you drink you will never be alone, alright?