One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called "LinkedIn."

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

We don't shoot somebody soon, I'm gonna forget how