Never allow a child to spend all of his allowance. Insist that he set aside a certain amount of money every week and put it in a safe place, where you can get it if you need to buy beer.

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

You've read newspaper stories about elderly widows who die and leave their entire estates to their pet cats, right? Well, your cat reads those stories too, and has spent most of its skulking, devious little life dreaming about inheriting all your money.

Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing.

Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones in England - is actually a crude effort by the Druids to build a computing device.

We should call editorials what they are: columns written by committees.