Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way.

Never allow a child to spend all of his allowance. Insist that he set aside a certain amount of money every week and put it in a safe place, where you can get it if you need to buy beer.

When I say 'serve you better,' I mean 'increase our profits.' We newspapers are very big on profits these days.

I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.

Line printer paper is strongest at the perforations.

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Most recently I read Michael Lewis "Boomerang." The other guy I love is Bill Bryson.