You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, 'My GOSH, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!

See, when the government spends money, it creates jobs; whereas when the money is left in the hands of taxpayers, God only knows what they do with it. Bake it into pies, probably. Anything to avoid creating jobs.

To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only will we not buy from you, but we want shrews to eat your liver.

We are talking about mutated women, the result of cruel genetic experiments performed by fashion designers so lacking in any sense of human decency that they think nothing of putting their initials on your eyeglass lenses. The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. If a normal woman puts on clothing designed for these unfortunate people, she is quite naturally going to look like Revenge of the Pork Person.

Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

Editorials are written by people who have agreed to have several strong opinions a day and to write them down, provided they do not have to sign their names.