Lobsters displays all three of the classic biological characteristics of an insect, namely: 1. It has way more legs than necessary. 2. There is no way you would ever pet it. 3. It does not respond to simple commands such as "Here, boy!"

I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.

Another important rule of affair-having: Never be discreet at the office.

The Japanese tend to be far more co-operative and docile and group-oriented. It would be easier to get the entire population of Tokyo to wear matching outfits than to get any two randomly selected Americans to agree on pizza toppings.

All these people helped make this book possible. But let me make one thing clear: If there are any errors or omissions in this book, these people are not responsible. In the end, there is only one person responsible for what I write, and that person, of course, is: Donald Trump.

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece.

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.