The letters in 'Brace Beemer' can be arranged to spell 'Embrace Beer.'

Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.

Here's my proposal, which is based on the TV show Survivor: We put the entire Congress on an island. All the food on this island is locked inside a vault, which can be opened only by an ordinary American taxpayer named Bob. Every day, the congresspersons are given a section of the Tax Code, which they must rewrite so that Bob can understand it. If he can, he lets them eat that day; if he can't, he doesn't.

Seriously? You won’t help me?” “Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.

Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.