Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe i lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!

I've been a comedian since I was fourteen. But I've never really been a CEO.

They do what they do for money - that's all. I don't even know why you're listening to me. I've done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can't even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is.

I'm famous today. People like me today. Might not like me tomorrow. You can't count on it.

Comedy is a very approval-oriented field.

With younger people I'm recognized with always Half-Baked, Blue Streak because it's on cable. Women, it's always You've Got Mail. Nutty Professor is pretty much everybody across the board. It seems like they like that one.

I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.