I'm concerned about how and why there is no gun control.

I'm concerned about how and why there is no gun control.

[If Donald Trump does get elected, I will be] probably Secretary Of Reeducation. Or I don't know. I'll probably end up working in the cafeteria.

I think the policies, for the most part, that [Hillary Clinton] will put in place are not going to make positive changes. There'll be more status quo. She'll certainly be good for some groups of people. Whatever.

I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.

The best thing about me is there are no skeletons.

What happened to our friendship? I really think it's our obligation as friends to be brutally honest and be frank with them and say, 'Look, I'm sorry, but your baby is fking boring.'