If god wanted people to believe in him, why'd he invent logic then?

I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife.

Playing Augusta is like playing a Salvador Dali landscape. I expected a clock to fall out of the trees and hit me in the face.

I have a healthy disrespect for religion. I really do. When Columbus came to this country in 1492 he brought syphilis, diphtheria, tuberculosis, influenza and Christianity. The diseases were curable.

The course is so long, I had to take the curvature of the Earth into consideration.

That's the trouble with Nick. The only time he opens his mouth is to change feet.

Being bipolar and an addict and an alcoholic I have to keep myself very busy. I don't sleep. I am lucky if I get three hours of sleep a night, and so I get up, and my head is full of slamming doors.