Never has my flabber been so completely gasted.
The world's No. 1 tennis player spends 90 percent of his time winning, while the world's No. 1 golfer spends 90 percent of his time losing. Golfers are great losers.
I don't suffer from a mental illness, I live with it.
Colin Montgomerie is a few French fries short of a Happy Meal.
I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.
The hardest thing I ever did was get sober. I was drinking two and a half bottles of whiskey a day and taking 40 Vicodin. If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.