Colin Montgomerie is a few French fries short of a Happy Meal.

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.

I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife.

I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.

I adore dogs to the extent I think they are much more important than human beings. I like your dog much more than I like you.

I have got to do something that makes me focus on one thing, and so I will sit and listen to music, or I will read, or I will go and make ammunition in my workshop. I have just got to keep myself busy.

Colin Montgomerie is a few French fries short of a Happy Meal.