Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential candidate, is going to fight Evander Holyfield for charity. I hope they save some of that money for funeral expenses.

The Hillary team is driving around in a van. Sometimes people get those gag bumper stickers put on their van. Hillary has one on her van, and it says, 'If this van's rockin', I'm deleting emails.'

I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.

Love: You can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun.

The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash.

Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.