We thought New York City was home to 8 million rats. Turns out, that's a little high. The actual number is 2 million rats. That explains the light turnout for the midterm elections.

Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.

The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash.

The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good luck. They can't even clean up their gas station restrooms.

Mitt Romney is quite a guy. At one point he and his wife bought a zoo and fired all the animals.

We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.

Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential candidate, is going to fight Evander Holyfield for charity. I hope they save some of that money for funeral expenses.