Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.

I'm an environmentalist. Most of my jokes are recycled.

Last night we had Bill Clinton, the former president. Security was as tight as Governor Christie's yoga pants.

Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.

President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony before Congress. Well, it makes perfect sense - he wants to know what was going on, too.

Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.

Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.