New Orleans: The least annoying French place on Earth.

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.

Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me.

President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the Kerry administration.

I know you're on the Atkins diet, but could you stop eating bacon during sex?

Here's what the kids get. They get free McDonald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken for a year, and 52 six-packs of Pepsi. And I'm thinking, well, actually, it might be healthier if they were taking steroids.

Mayor de Blasio wants to eliminate garbage. He believes New York City produces way too much garbage. Well, heck, forget about producing too much garbage. What about late-night talk shows?