Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.

We're learning more about Osama bin Laden. His father was married 16 times, and he has five wives. I think we're getting to the root of his intense anger. And they say bin Laden never spends the night in the same place twice. No, wait a minute, that's Clinton.

You can email me, but I prefer letters that come through conventional mail. I like letters that have been licked by strangers.

Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me.

It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.

Rick Perry is now saying he thinks that Barack Obama's birth certificate is fake. I think Perry may have faked his driver's license.

Arnold is now the front runner. Everyone was snickering about it a month ago, now it looks like he will be the next governor of California. He is so confident he has already chosen a body oil for the inauguration.