President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's been drinking again.

The night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out a plate of cookies and some milk for Bob Costas.

You folks feeling the economic pinch? Are you a little fed up with the economic news? It's bad. The department stores, this holiday season, no Santa Claus. They're laying off department-store Santa Clauses. So more bad news for John McCain.

Kim Jong Un's sister got married. That sounds like another Seth Rogen movie, doesn't it?

All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.

Mitt Romney is running for president again. That will be attempt No. 3. Well, everybody needs a hobby. He's almost certainly running, and I'm almost certainly retiring, so I don't care.

You can email me, but I prefer letters that come through conventional mail. I like letters that have been licked by strangers.