Arnold Schwarzenegger got into a huge debate with Arianna Huffington about immigration - going back and forth - finally immigration came in and hauled them both away.

They figured out a way to control that hamburger disease. You dip the hamburger into the scalding hot coffee before eating.

Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.

The FCC has delayed the decision on the Time/Warner Comcast merger. So how do you think those folks like being put on hold?

I think the one thing I would point to as a primary reason, basically, is that I was a gigantic ass, ... It's the first time I got dumped in my life.

The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.

I'm nothing if not an optimist.