United Airlines: Passengers are our worst enemy. We're not too fond of luggage either.
David LettermanJohn Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right, President Bush can't name them either.
David LettermanJeb Bush has to distance himself from what they call the Bush brand. So he keeps saying, 'I am my own man.' But when Governor Chris Christie is out on the campaign trail, he's always saying, 'I'm my own man, plus another guy.'
David LettermanDo you know what I'm going to do when I retire? I hope to become the new face of Scientology.
David Letterman