You've got to be careful smoking weed. It causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss.

Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I'll be Goggling 'foods that improve prostate health.'

Here's what the kids get. They get free McDonald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken for a year, and 52 six-packs of Pepsi. And I'm thinking, well, actually, it might be healthier if they were taking steroids.

Obama took a tour of the Great Wall of China and said, 'We need one of these things around the White House.'

So the guy who shot Gadhafi was wearing a Yankees cap. Did you see that? If he'd had a Boston Red Sox hat on he probably would have missed.

I've had nothing but great friendship to help me through this.

Do you know what I'm going to do when I retire? I hope to become the new face of Scientology.