You've got to be careful smoking weed. It causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss.

Hillary has now erased all of her emails, and she also had all of her pantsuits dry cleaned.

I think the one thing I would point to as a primary reason, basically, is that I was a gigantic ass, ... It's the first time I got dumped in my life.

After my bypass surgery I knew I had to change my lifestyle, and then it occured to me - I don't have a lifestyle.

I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4-1/2 minutes. When they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.

Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.

New Orleans: The least annoying French place on Earth.