You've got to be careful smoking weed. It causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss.

We thought New York City was home to 8 million rats. Turns out, that's a little high. The actual number is 2 million rats. That explains the light turnout for the midterm elections.

The latest polls show that Arnold Schwarzenegger is trailing Lieutenant Governor Cruz Bustamante in the polls. That's insane. I mean, think about it, this guy Cruz Bustamante has never even been in a movie.

All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.

Herman Cain said, starting today, if you buy into his 9-9-9 plan, he'll throw in a free 32-ounce soda.

I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.

The winner of the Westminster Dog Show gets to drink champagne - out of the toilet.