Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early.

You know, Sarah Palin is the Governor of Alaska, you know that. And she's a lifelong member of the National Rifle Association. So great, is what I'm thinking, another vice president that shoots a drinking buddy; just get ready.

The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

One of the remarkable things about being 19 is that you can break open a case of warm beer at midnight and still be wide-eyed and alert for your eight-a.m. class. And that gave me the false impression that my life would always be like that.

Father's Day: When you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.

Privately I think that I'm not really somebody who has a network television show. Celebrities are other people - Johnny Carson and Sylvester Stallone. I'm just a kid trying to make a living is the way I feel.