I have talents aplenty. Unfortunately, precious few of them have any redeeming social value.

Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration.

I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet.

President Obama has two years left as president. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets to appoint two new Kardashian husbands.

President Obama and his family are spending the holidays in Hawaii, and while they're gone, they got a fence jumper to house sit. Tomorrow, he will be in Hawaii playing golf with Raul Castro and the Pope.

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.