Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know.

A lot of people think I'm retiring, but I've been telling a fib. I've been forced to leave this job because I gave $75,000 to the Clinton Foundation.

We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves.

Have you folks been following the controversy with John Kerry and his service in Vietnam and the Swift Boat campaign? It all took place in Vietnam and now it just won't go away. I was thinking about this - if John Kerry had just ducked the war like everybody else he wouldn't have this trouble.

I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.

As you watch the Gary Condit interview, three words come to mind: stiff, unbending and impenetrable. And that's just his hair.

Bush explained his strategy for transfer of power. It's a two part plan. Part one: clean out his desk. Part two: rent a U-Haul.