Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know.

The first presidential debate was down in Florida. Residents spent all day putting plywood on their televisions.

George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.

Today would have been the birthday of Osama bin Laden. It makes me remember when Seal Team 6 threw him a surprise party.

The Russian economy is tanking. It's gotten so bad that today Vladimir Putin had to pawn his stolen Super Bowl ring. And Putin will finance his next invasion on Kickstarter.

We're learning more about Osama bin Laden. His father was married 16 times, and he has five wives. I think we're getting to the root of his intense anger. And they say bin Laden never spends the night in the same place twice. No, wait a minute, that's Clinton.

Here's the plot of 'Interstellar.' Refugees - they're known as Democrats - they're looking for a new planet.