Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.
David LettermanPrivately I think that I'm not really somebody who has a network television show. Celebrities are other people - Johnny Carson and Sylvester Stallone. I'm just a kid trying to make a living is the way I feel.
David LettermanPaul Ryan announced that after a lot of thought, and talking it over with family and friends, that he is not going to run for president in 2016. I'm telling you, this announcement sent shock waves through no one.
David LettermanThe 2016 presidential campaign is heating up. Can you feel the indifference, the apathy?
David Letterman