Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella. First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon?

It's disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk.

Hillary went to a Chipotle in a tortilla pantsuit.

Rick Perry is now saying he thinks that Barack Obama's birth certificate is fake. I think Perry may have faked his driver's license.

How about those Olympics, ladies and gentlemen. Didn't London look like the place to be? New York City was in the running for this Olympics. But here's what happened. We got outbribed.

Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.