The new CIA torture report is 6 million pages long. It's almost as long as a George Clooney pre-nup.
David LettermanEconomists believe there are three reasons why the Russian economy is doing so poorly. One, economic sanctions are working. Number two, low-price oil. And number three, Lindsay Lohan has quit drinking vodka.
David LettermanHave you folks been following the controversy with John Kerry and his service in Vietnam and the Swift Boat campaign? It all took place in Vietnam and now it just won't go away. I was thinking about this - if John Kerry had just ducked the war like everybody else he wouldn't have this trouble.
David LettermanThey're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one.
David Letterman