Martha Stewart is getting out of prison so today the terror alert was raised from orange to pesto.

Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It's kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future - wait a minute, that's me.

Did you hear about this genius that got on a plane and set fire to his feet? Turns out he had bombs in his shoes and the problem all started when the flight attendants asked him nicely to extinguish his feet. He was wearing exploding sneakers. The new Nike Air-Jihads!

Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well.

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

It's disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk.

Back when we started this show, the hottest program on television was 'Keeping Up With the Gabors.'