Martha Stewart is getting out of prison so today the terror alert was raised from orange to pesto.

Everybody is wondering what Paris Hilton will be doing next, and hell, I'm wondering what she did before.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

Remember evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin? He vanished for 10 days. He had disappeared and there were a lot of rumors. One rumor was he had disappeared because he had himself executed.

Did you see Howard Dean ranting and raving? Here's a little tip Howard - cut back on the Red Bull.

I knew that if I woke up hung over, I couldn't do the best possible job on the show, so I had to quit. Also, I'd consumed a lot of beer for a lot of years, and I thought, That's enough. I've had my fun and I'm glad I quit.

President Obama is sending a couple hundred troops to Iraq. We spent six years trying to figure a way to get out of Iraq. And now we're back. But this time there is an exit strategy. Barack Obama has an exit strategy. In 2016, he's gone.