For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

Today is the anniversary of the Gettysburg Address. President Lincoln wrote it on his way to the site of the speech on the back of an envelope. One guy on the back of an envelope wrote the great Gettysburg Address - while every night it takes six guys to write this crap!

In just a few minutes, my son will have completed his first trip around the sun.

Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.

Presidential hopeful Jeb Bush has released all of his emails. I'd like to release all of my emails. I've got nothing but emails about low-cost funerals and Viagra.

Rick Perry has now accused Mitt Romney of hiring illegal aliens to work on his hair.

Ladies and gentlemen, after what I've been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front.