The oil spill is getting bad. There is so much oil and tar now in the Gulf of Mexico, Cubans can now walk to Miami.

Yesterday was Election Day. If we have any Democrats in the audience, I'm sorry but you're going to have to give up your seats.

People say we need royalty. We have royalty in the United States - the Kardashians.

Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well.

Last night we had Bill Clinton, the former president. Security was as tight as Governor Christie's yoga pants.

So the guy who shot Gadhafi was wearing a Yankees cap. Did you see that? If he'd had a Boston Red Sox hat on he probably would have missed.

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.