The oil spill is getting bad. There is so much oil and tar now in the Gulf of Mexico, Cubans can now walk to Miami.

Due to budget crunches, Bush has had to scale some of the programs. He has a new program, 'Leave A Couple of Kids Behind.'

Have you seen the Olympic uniforms? It's for the American Olympic team and it's berets. To me, nothing says America like a guy in a beret. Look at our founding fathers, they all wore berets.

All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.

I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.

Hillary went to a Chipotle in a tortilla pantsuit.

How about those Olympics, ladies and gentlemen. Didn't London look like the place to be? New York City was in the running for this Olympics. But here's what happened. We got outbribed.