It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said.

Obama said they've had some glitches with the Affordable Care website. I'll tell you something. If you order a pair of pants online and they send you the wrong color, that's a glitch. This is like a Carnival cruise, for God's sake!

Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know.

Scientists have discovered a black hole that is 12 billion times the size of our sun. It's full of Hillary Clinton emails.

Barack Obama's busy moving into the White House. Earlier today, John McCain was blowing on his soup.

I'll be honest with you. It's beginning to look like I'm not going to get 'The Tonight Show.'

Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of Baghdad after 20 years. Fast food and hookers - they are truly living the American Dream.