Rick Perry, started out like a ball of fire from Texas and then he started to drop and now he's retooling. He's adding advisers to his campaign team. This guy had advisers? Really?

I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4-1/2 minutes. When they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.

Public service announcement: In case of a terrorist attack, bottled water and duct tape are not going to do a damn thing. So do what Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge does: Get really drunk, and pick up a hooker.

Yesterday, the Senate voted to approve President Clinton's decision to send troops to Bosnia. And they voted to change the name of that mission to "Operation Forget About Whitewater".

You know, Sarah Palin is the Governor of Alaska, you know that. And she's a lifelong member of the National Rifle Association. So great, is what I'm thinking, another vice president that shoots a drinking buddy; just get ready.

We thought New York City was home to 8 million rats. Turns out, that's a little high. The actual number is 2 million rats. That explains the light turnout for the midterm elections.

President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony before Congress. Well, it makes perfect sense - he wants to know what was going on, too.